Wall•E is a remarkable movie. And while it deserves to walk away with Oscar nods for its animation prowess, it also merits a close look for Best Picture.
For me, much of Wall•E's power comes in its gift of images that I've never before seen. I'm thinking of the desolate landscape of future Earth whose majestic skyscrapers stand alongside ziggurat towers of rubble, with little distinction between the piles. I'm thinking of humanity sailing the stars in a giant luxury liner, its people pampered into blubbery obsolescence by ubiquitous machines and corporate anesthesia. And I'm thinking of that ambitious closing-credits narrative that portrays the planting of a new human civilization through an evolution of art forms that sweep across millennia, a story that connects the future and past in mind-bending ways. Mostly though, I'm thinking of the moment in which our audience stood up in a darkened room, stretching bodies in varied degrees of decay, some folks hefting Big Gulp-sized soda cups from their armrests, and reminding me all too closely of the tomorrow foretold by this film. Wall•E is no mere cartoon.
And yet a number of folks dismiss the film as being "too preachy," as some sort of castor-oil message of environmentalism and anti-Bushism. Certainly the creators of Wall•E are making a point. But good for them, I say. These points need to be made. We may look back onto the Bush-years as historians now look back onto the Pierce and Buchanan years before the Civil War or the Hoover years before the Depression, periods in which history seemed like a freight train barreling down upon us, only to be ignored by people lacking vision or courage. In this era, as traditional media of public discourse seem to be derailed by privileged interests, artists are right to use their media to sound the alarm. Wall•E rightly sends us past the movie marquee and into our own thoughts, asking us to consider just what the hell is happening to us.
Nonetheless I plan to see the movie again for more than its "poignancy." I have enough civic homework piling up; I don't need to see a movie out of duty. I'll see Wall•E again (and surely again) to enjoy its collection of clever and humorous moments that create an improbable love story between a garbage compactor with a penchant for Hello, Dolly! and a plant retriever who happens to possess nuclear firepower. And I'll surely return to savor the glorious images of human wit that provide fertile ground for new productions of my own imagination. I'll see Wall•E again because it is a great movie, one that does what all great movies can do. Wall•E amazes us by revealing the fantastic and the ordinary together, showing just how connected they are.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Daytime Dispatches - 2008
Today I'll do nothing but watch daytime TV from 8 to 5, flipping channels in search of infomercials, soap operas, and court shows, intermixed with commercials for "career colleges" and weight loss "systems." No news, no reading. Nothing but network television (and occasional visits to my email account). My only companion for most of the day? A cat happy to have a warm body on the couch. Why am I doing this? Hard to say. I guess I'm just interested in the daytime television world that I generally never get a chance to see.
From time to time, I'll update this blog-post with Daytime Dispatches.
8:00: Let's start with an informercial for Hair Club for Men and Women.
8:07: Pat Walker describes life before Hair Club: "You're very uncomfortable going out. It's a windy day. You don't know if it's going to blow off. I'm a profuse sweater, right? It could just slide off. Then you pick up a kid. They grab it, it moves. It's like, enough already! There's got to be something better."
8:20: They keep showing the same montages of vital, cool looking guys riding jet-skis and motorcycles every five minutes or so. I suppose the idea is that few people actually watch an entire 30-minute commercial.
8:25: "Young or old. Man or woman. No matter what kind of hair-loss you have, Hair Club has a unique solution for you, guaranteed. No other company on the planet can make that claim."
8:30: Let's buy some cheap real estate with Real Estate Disposition Corporation!
8:32: Wendy Walsh, standing with one leg in front of the other to create an "hourglass effect," stifles her disgust about the the competition: "You've probably seen the advertising for real estate seminars and TV commercials selling strategies on how to get rich quick by buying and selling real estate..."
8:41: The benefit of buying a home at auction? "You set your own price! You are not at the mercy of a seller's unrealistic asking price."
8:45: I'm getting a little creeped out by how often Wendy emphasizes, "these are real auctions."
8:48: I think this is the third time I've seen that animated iron stamp marking "FORECLOSURE AUCTION" in red stencil font on my television: "Your attention please! This is a public auction notice!"
9:00: It's time for Judge Maria Lopez!
9:01: The first case: "A Terrible Tussle Over Some Toy"
9:03: Pete the Bailiff explains to Judge Lopez how iPods work.
9:07: Judge Lopez does a swell Jack Nicholson imitation over those horn-rimmed glasses.
9:15: A commercial explains, "Life doesn't always give you options. Meineke does."
9:16: I'm beginning to see a pattern in the next commercial: "Is there anyone out there who wants more choice? Is there anyone out there who wants more freedom? Is there anyone out there who wants to be treated with a little more respect? It's time to give choice - a voice. MoneyGram. The power is in your hands."
9:17: An urgent message from a law firm about Digitek: "Call today if you've taken any of these medications and experienced cardiac instability, heart palpitations, kidney failure, or death."
9:17: "Do you want to own a brand new HP, Dell, or other name-brand computer and improve your credit at the same time?"
9:25: "Are you a woman who feels taken advantage of by a man - and you want justice? If a man in your life took advantage of you, call 1-866-Maria 12."
9:30: Let's switch over to Judge Hatchett. It's a special intervention into the life of a 17-year old sex addict.
9:34: Kimberly keeps a list of the 22 sex partners she's had from 15 to 17.
9:38: A business-suited man stares into my soul: "You need to see the dentist, or maybe your child needs braces. But you've put it off because your gasoline or living expenses are so high." Those folks at Western Dental really understand.
9:42: Judge Hatchett lays down the law on Kimberly: "You are playing Russian Roulette with your life." It's time for a Reality Check.
9:44: At last, the bearded dude from OxiClean!
9:45: Hmmm. Another trend: "Are you a woman who feels taken advantage of by a man - and you want justice? If a man in your life took advantage of you, call 1-866-Hatchett."
9:51: Kimberly attends a sex-addicts anonymous meeting, but we don't.
9:52: After her intervention, Kimberly seems poised to leave a life of skankdom
9:53: A woman wearing white dances in slow motion while installing a Glade air freshener.
9:58: Judge Hatchett is going to help Kimberly learn about her future career as a child advocate: "I expect greatness!"
9:59: Choices, choices. The People's Court, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, or The Price is Right?
10:00: "Come on down!"
10:01: Drew Carey, huh? I miss Bob Barker.
10:02: Drew notes that the first successful contestant, Morgan, isn't wearing some sort of slogan on her shirt.
10:05: Morgan loses, paying too much for a pair of scooters. But at least she gets a souvenir oversized check.
10:06: I think I've switched audiences. Commercials are now for AARP, a multivitamin, and a calcium supplement.
10:08: Poor Drew Carey. He looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here.
10:10: The crowd lustily boos when a kid (his t-shirt slogan reads "Show Me The Money") overpays for Gold Bond cream.
10:15: The next contestant looks like she's about to leap out of her low-cut blouse. Yikes!
10:20: I can tell it's going to be a long day. They keep showing those danged Progressive Insurance commercials on each channel I watch.
10:21: At last, the first commercial for a power chair from The Scooter Store!
10:27: Dude! The poor college dude bid one dollar over the price of that electric guitar!
10:36: Alex Trebek speaks to people "our age," 50 to 85: "You may know me from TV, but I'm also a husband and father with family responsibilities just like you. So I understand the importance of life insurance. I have it myself." And yet for some reason he never looks into the camera. He sits on a "soundstage" with monitors that show him from various angles, always slightly off center. I imagine that the effect aims for some sort of "authenticity." We know he's shooting a commercial, he's not actually talking to us. Maybe that makes his pitch more honest.
10:42: Ahh, good old Wilford Brimley.
10:48: "Bye Bye ooze. Hello Sea-bond."
10:49: Dixie Plates promise to remove the guilt: "I will no longer be defined by the number of dishes I wash . . . I deserve a paper plate that's as strong as I am . . . My children come first, it's as simple as that, and I'm proud to use Dixie Ultra Paper Plates if it means fewer dishes and spending more time with my family."
10:57: I'm feeling "young" and "restless." Is there anything on TV that can help me?
11:00: "So my father is wanted for murder..." I don't think I've ever seen an episode of The Young and the Restless. But based on the first words of today's episode, I like it!
11:04: Guys with greasy hair and two-day beards. Nice.
11:06 "The Young and the Restless. This portion sponsored by: Caduet."
11:07: "Venus believes every woman is a goddess of something. Embrace your inner goddess with new Venus Embrace!"
11:23: I have no idea who these people are on The Young and the Restless, but that woman with the snippy attitude and the pulled-back hair seems shifty. I just don't trust her.
11:35: I wonder how many minutes of this show are spent in fancy restaurants?
11:39: A lover's quarrel on The Young and the Restless: "You are a very sick man." "Sick for you!"
11:51: Is it me, or do many characters on this show look like cast-offs from Friends?
12:00: Oh. Yes. It's Time for Jerry Springer. The first sound effect? A flushing toilet.
12:01: "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
12:03: I love how Jerry interviews a guest who has been dating a woman online for four months, as if he has no clue that the guest is about to meet . . . waiting . . . waiting . . .
12:04: A transsexual! Wow, what a surprise.
12:07: Have a structured settlement? Need cash now? Call JG Wentworth!
12:15: The bell rings and two guys start fighting! Does this happen every time on Springer?
12:18: Place your unwanted or broken gold or silver in an envelope, wait, and receive cash in the mail. Thanks Cash4Gold!
12:21: Springer waxes poetic: "Every guest we have comes from a very small universe. There's a small town called Springerville."
12:24: And the crowd chants: "Fight like gay prisoners!"
12:30: California Culinary Academy: "Just imagine getting paid to prepare gourmet dishes for hungry guests."
12:31: Jerry meets a mobile home park manager named Jerry Lee Springer.
12:36: A gay soldier. An angry uncle. More fighting.
12:43: Reverend Shnorr inducts a couple of guests into the Army - and the audience sings The Star Spangled Banner.
12:47: "USA! USA"!
12:48: "Own a timeshare or campground membership? Turn it into cash!"
12:49: "Do you want to have a successful business career? Work with executives in a fast-paced environment like this? Well, you can with Heald College. They can take you from boredom to boardroom in less time than you think."
12:57: "Here are three good reasons why you should get off the couch and call California Culinary Academy!"
12:59: "There are consequences for all our secrets . . . Take care of yourself - and each other."
1:00: It's time for - Maury! One topic: "Is the man she wants to marry a male prostitute?"
1:06: "No way in hell that baby's mine!"
1:10: The lie detector results come back, producing a shriek that wakes up my cat.
1:14: "Do You Believe The Man You Are Madly In Love With Is Cheating On You? Call 1-888-45Maury."
1:17: I love when they're showing back-stories; they intersperse grainy-looking footage of the guests shaking their heads angrily.
1:23: "Peachtree can turn your structured settlement or annuity into cash today! . . . Money does grow on trees!"
1:26: "She says he is selling his body for money and sneakers."
1:28: "When I come home every night she's checking me for scratches and sniffin' my underwear. What is that about?"
1:30: Yep. He's a cheater.
1:40: Several minutes of shrieks and censor-beeps.
1:43: An ad for "The General" Auto Insurance announces a down payment for as low as $59 in huge print. Tiny text below? "Average down payment about $125."
1:46: Another cheater caught. More minutes of shrieks and censor-beeps.
1:48: RightSize smoothies can help you lose weight! "Have you ever had a diet fail because you were hungry all the time? If you have, don't worry. It's not your fault."
1:53: Roseann thinks Don cheated on her again - after going on the Maury show six weeks ago.
1:54: Yep. He cheated. "Six women?" "No, they were six dancers."
2:00: Let's watch General Hospital!
2:03: Dig the rockin' intro.
2:05: "You've got the baby sleeping in the closet," he says. She replies: "Dressing area!"
2:12: "Because a bathroom can be more than a bathroom, Clorox helps keep it clean - even the imaginary parts."
2:25: Apparently there's a guy on General Hospital called Stone Cold. Cool.
2:28: A commercial for Botox depicts one woman in various poses, virtually all of them making her look kind of gross, particularly when she "winks." Seriously, who thinks the full-face wink that lifts the jawline to the forehead is remotely attractive? It gets better. The background music for a product known to remove facial expressions? "Express yourself."
2:38: "With kids, teens, pets, and husbands, ever wonder how you can keep your house clean?" Lovely. A commercial for Stanley Steamer that reaffirms the popular television motif of the dumb guy.
2:40: I get it! That annoying blonde is supposed to be General Hospital's version of Paris Hilton.
2:45: "Are you making it easier for bacteria to grow on your dentures?" Yuck.
2:52: "You cannot petition for visitation rights with an unborn child!" "There are many studies that indicate that it is possible to bond with a child in utero." Well, you're not bonding with this one."
3:00: I need justice! It's time for Judge Joe Brown.
3:02: Cool. Miss Sonya, the bailiff, has a gun!
3:03: I like this judge. He appears to have just woken up from a long, long nap.
3:05: The eye-rolling defendant who wrecked the plaintiff's car while driving drunk needs to get her comeuppance.
3:11: Here's comes the justice! Referring to the defendant who crossed a lawn to crash a car into someone's house, Judge Brown asks, "How did you manage to drive up there? What were you doing? Trying to run down sassy squirrels who were sittin' up there trying to act crazy and audition for a Geico commercial?"
3:19: The next case and another rude, clueless defendant, to which Judge Brown admonishes: "Don't talk over me, son! I might say something humorous or enlightening and people will miss it."
3:25: "There's no manual on how to be a good parent. Fortunately, there is a recipe." Thank you, Duncan Hines.
3:30: It's time for more Judge Joe Brown!
3:37: Linda says, "I will not take care of my sister who has been very irresponsible herself." Awkward pause. The sister, Lisa, then replies ominously, "Oh. She went there."
4:00: My adventures in Daytime TV conclude as they must, with Oprah. How could this day end any other way? Today's topic: "The Law of Attraction."
4:03: Weird. This show seems to be drawn from a conversation and set of key words that this audience already knows. It's as if this show began a few hours before 4:00. Oprah would surely respond: a lifetime before!
4:05: Hmmm. Oprah sure loves quoting O Magazine.
4:06: Buzzword alert! Go into your "Core of Peace."
4:08: One Oprah guest discusses her work with homeless heroin addicts: "I love 'em to pieces. They're just wonderful."
4:15: Oprah thinks about all of her good fortune and asks, "Why does that happen? 'Cos it happens to me a lot." Her guest responds, "Because you're living at your Core of Peace!"
4:21: Jenny McCarthy discusses her "Vision Board."
4:28: Another Oprah guests opines, "There's another great affirmation that I have hanging on my wall, I have for years: 'The world is conspiring in my favor.' Isn't that great?"
4:30: Oprah asks about getting a Vision Board. A guest explains that she merely needs to snip and affix pictures from a magazine. Oprah beams, "I can use my own magazine!"
4:36: One guest ponders, "We all hope we will win the lottery or dream about a new life, [Of] course many of those things don't happen. So what's the difference between an intention versus a wish or a dream?" Oprah replies: "Good point. Ohhh, good, ohhh, ohhh, ohhh, that's so good."
4:42: Brittany (age nine) explains, "If you think about something for a long period of time, you will eventually get it." Oprah then looks at Vision Boards created by Brittany and her sister Dominique, asking, "What's come true so far?" Dominique answers, "So far, I've been on Oprah's show." "Wow," Oprah replies, "I'm impressed with that. I'm really impressed with that."
4:48: Oprah has an epiphany! It turns out that she's been living her vision board, even though she didn't make it yet!
5:00: I can't believe it's actually over: nine hours of daytime television. I'm surprisingly tired, even though I've done nothing but sit on the couch with one of the cats, flipping the channels. It was fun. It was unique. It was enlightening. I'm glad it's over.
Maybe next time I'll write dispatches from the land of night time "news" shows.
From time to time, I'll update this blog-post with Daytime Dispatches.
8:00: Let's start with an informercial for Hair Club for Men and Women.
8:07: Pat Walker describes life before Hair Club: "You're very uncomfortable going out. It's a windy day. You don't know if it's going to blow off. I'm a profuse sweater, right? It could just slide off. Then you pick up a kid. They grab it, it moves. It's like, enough already! There's got to be something better."
8:20: They keep showing the same montages of vital, cool looking guys riding jet-skis and motorcycles every five minutes or so. I suppose the idea is that few people actually watch an entire 30-minute commercial.
8:25: "Young or old. Man or woman. No matter what kind of hair-loss you have, Hair Club has a unique solution for you, guaranteed. No other company on the planet can make that claim."
8:30: Let's buy some cheap real estate with Real Estate Disposition Corporation!
8:32: Wendy Walsh, standing with one leg in front of the other to create an "hourglass effect," stifles her disgust about the the competition: "You've probably seen the advertising for real estate seminars and TV commercials selling strategies on how to get rich quick by buying and selling real estate..."
8:41: The benefit of buying a home at auction? "You set your own price! You are not at the mercy of a seller's unrealistic asking price."
8:45: I'm getting a little creeped out by how often Wendy emphasizes, "these are real auctions."
8:48: I think this is the third time I've seen that animated iron stamp marking "FORECLOSURE AUCTION" in red stencil font on my television: "Your attention please! This is a public auction notice!"
9:00: It's time for Judge Maria Lopez!
9:01: The first case: "A Terrible Tussle Over Some Toy"
9:03: Pete the Bailiff explains to Judge Lopez how iPods work.
9:07: Judge Lopez does a swell Jack Nicholson imitation over those horn-rimmed glasses.
9:15: A commercial explains, "Life doesn't always give you options. Meineke does."
9:16: I'm beginning to see a pattern in the next commercial: "Is there anyone out there who wants more choice? Is there anyone out there who wants more freedom? Is there anyone out there who wants to be treated with a little more respect? It's time to give choice - a voice. MoneyGram. The power is in your hands."
9:17: An urgent message from a law firm about Digitek: "Call today if you've taken any of these medications and experienced cardiac instability, heart palpitations, kidney failure, or death."
9:17: "Do you want to own a brand new HP, Dell, or other name-brand computer and improve your credit at the same time?"
9:25: "Are you a woman who feels taken advantage of by a man - and you want justice? If a man in your life took advantage of you, call 1-866-Maria 12."
9:30: Let's switch over to Judge Hatchett. It's a special intervention into the life of a 17-year old sex addict.
9:34: Kimberly keeps a list of the 22 sex partners she's had from 15 to 17.
9:38: A business-suited man stares into my soul: "You need to see the dentist, or maybe your child needs braces. But you've put it off because your gasoline or living expenses are so high." Those folks at Western Dental really understand.
9:42: Judge Hatchett lays down the law on Kimberly: "You are playing Russian Roulette with your life." It's time for a Reality Check.
9:44: At last, the bearded dude from OxiClean!
9:45: Hmmm. Another trend: "Are you a woman who feels taken advantage of by a man - and you want justice? If a man in your life took advantage of you, call 1-866-Hatchett."
9:51: Kimberly attends a sex-addicts anonymous meeting, but we don't.
9:52: After her intervention, Kimberly seems poised to leave a life of skankdom
9:53: A woman wearing white dances in slow motion while installing a Glade air freshener.
9:58: Judge Hatchett is going to help Kimberly learn about her future career as a child advocate: "I expect greatness!"
9:59: Choices, choices. The People's Court, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, or The Price is Right?
10:00: "Come on down!"
10:01: Drew Carey, huh? I miss Bob Barker.
10:02: Drew notes that the first successful contestant, Morgan, isn't wearing some sort of slogan on her shirt.
10:05: Morgan loses, paying too much for a pair of scooters. But at least she gets a souvenir oversized check.
10:06: I think I've switched audiences. Commercials are now for AARP, a multivitamin, and a calcium supplement.
10:08: Poor Drew Carey. He looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here.
10:10: The crowd lustily boos when a kid (his t-shirt slogan reads "Show Me The Money") overpays for Gold Bond cream.
10:15: The next contestant looks like she's about to leap out of her low-cut blouse. Yikes!
10:20: I can tell it's going to be a long day. They keep showing those danged Progressive Insurance commercials on each channel I watch.
10:21: At last, the first commercial for a power chair from The Scooter Store!
10:27: Dude! The poor college dude bid one dollar over the price of that electric guitar!
10:36: Alex Trebek speaks to people "our age," 50 to 85: "You may know me from TV, but I'm also a husband and father with family responsibilities just like you. So I understand the importance of life insurance. I have it myself." And yet for some reason he never looks into the camera. He sits on a "soundstage" with monitors that show him from various angles, always slightly off center. I imagine that the effect aims for some sort of "authenticity." We know he's shooting a commercial, he's not actually talking to us. Maybe that makes his pitch more honest.
10:42: Ahh, good old Wilford Brimley.
10:48: "Bye Bye ooze. Hello Sea-bond."
10:49: Dixie Plates promise to remove the guilt: "I will no longer be defined by the number of dishes I wash . . . I deserve a paper plate that's as strong as I am . . . My children come first, it's as simple as that, and I'm proud to use Dixie Ultra Paper Plates if it means fewer dishes and spending more time with my family."
10:57: I'm feeling "young" and "restless." Is there anything on TV that can help me?
11:00: "So my father is wanted for murder..." I don't think I've ever seen an episode of The Young and the Restless. But based on the first words of today's episode, I like it!
11:04: Guys with greasy hair and two-day beards. Nice.
11:06 "The Young and the Restless. This portion sponsored by: Caduet."
11:07: "Venus believes every woman is a goddess of something. Embrace your inner goddess with new Venus Embrace!"
11:23: I have no idea who these people are on The Young and the Restless, but that woman with the snippy attitude and the pulled-back hair seems shifty. I just don't trust her.
11:35: I wonder how many minutes of this show are spent in fancy restaurants?
11:39: A lover's quarrel on The Young and the Restless: "You are a very sick man." "Sick for you!"
11:51: Is it me, or do many characters on this show look like cast-offs from Friends?
12:00: Oh. Yes. It's Time for Jerry Springer. The first sound effect? A flushing toilet.
12:01: "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
12:03: I love how Jerry interviews a guest who has been dating a woman online for four months, as if he has no clue that the guest is about to meet . . . waiting . . . waiting . . .
12:04: A transsexual! Wow, what a surprise.
12:07: Have a structured settlement? Need cash now? Call JG Wentworth!
12:15: The bell rings and two guys start fighting! Does this happen every time on Springer?
12:18: Place your unwanted or broken gold or silver in an envelope, wait, and receive cash in the mail. Thanks Cash4Gold!
12:21: Springer waxes poetic: "Every guest we have comes from a very small universe. There's a small town called Springerville."
12:24: And the crowd chants: "Fight like gay prisoners!"
12:30: California Culinary Academy: "Just imagine getting paid to prepare gourmet dishes for hungry guests."
12:31: Jerry meets a mobile home park manager named Jerry Lee Springer.
12:36: A gay soldier. An angry uncle. More fighting.
12:43: Reverend Shnorr inducts a couple of guests into the Army - and the audience sings The Star Spangled Banner.
12:47: "USA! USA"!
12:48: "Own a timeshare or campground membership? Turn it into cash!"
12:49: "Do you want to have a successful business career? Work with executives in a fast-paced environment like this? Well, you can with Heald College. They can take you from boredom to boardroom in less time than you think."
12:57: "Here are three good reasons why you should get off the couch and call California Culinary Academy!"
12:59: "There are consequences for all our secrets . . . Take care of yourself - and each other."
1:00: It's time for - Maury! One topic: "Is the man she wants to marry a male prostitute?"
1:06: "No way in hell that baby's mine!"
1:10: The lie detector results come back, producing a shriek that wakes up my cat.
1:14: "Do You Believe The Man You Are Madly In Love With Is Cheating On You? Call 1-888-45Maury."
1:17: I love when they're showing back-stories; they intersperse grainy-looking footage of the guests shaking their heads angrily.
1:23: "Peachtree can turn your structured settlement or annuity into cash today! . . . Money does grow on trees!"
1:26: "She says he is selling his body for money and sneakers."
1:28: "When I come home every night she's checking me for scratches and sniffin' my underwear. What is that about?"
1:30: Yep. He's a cheater.
1:40: Several minutes of shrieks and censor-beeps.
1:43: An ad for "The General" Auto Insurance announces a down payment for as low as $59 in huge print. Tiny text below? "Average down payment about $125."
1:46: Another cheater caught. More minutes of shrieks and censor-beeps.
1:48: RightSize smoothies can help you lose weight! "Have you ever had a diet fail because you were hungry all the time? If you have, don't worry. It's not your fault."
1:53: Roseann thinks Don cheated on her again - after going on the Maury show six weeks ago.
1:54: Yep. He cheated. "Six women?" "No, they were six dancers."
2:00: Let's watch General Hospital!
2:03: Dig the rockin' intro.
2:05: "You've got the baby sleeping in the closet," he says. She replies: "Dressing area!"
2:12: "Because a bathroom can be more than a bathroom, Clorox helps keep it clean - even the imaginary parts."
2:25: Apparently there's a guy on General Hospital called Stone Cold. Cool.
2:28: A commercial for Botox depicts one woman in various poses, virtually all of them making her look kind of gross, particularly when she "winks." Seriously, who thinks the full-face wink that lifts the jawline to the forehead is remotely attractive? It gets better. The background music for a product known to remove facial expressions? "Express yourself."
2:38: "With kids, teens, pets, and husbands, ever wonder how you can keep your house clean?" Lovely. A commercial for Stanley Steamer that reaffirms the popular television motif of the dumb guy.
2:40: I get it! That annoying blonde is supposed to be General Hospital's version of Paris Hilton.
2:45: "Are you making it easier for bacteria to grow on your dentures?" Yuck.
2:52: "You cannot petition for visitation rights with an unborn child!" "There are many studies that indicate that it is possible to bond with a child in utero." Well, you're not bonding with this one."
3:00: I need justice! It's time for Judge Joe Brown.
3:02: Cool. Miss Sonya, the bailiff, has a gun!
3:03: I like this judge. He appears to have just woken up from a long, long nap.
3:05: The eye-rolling defendant who wrecked the plaintiff's car while driving drunk needs to get her comeuppance.
3:11: Here's comes the justice! Referring to the defendant who crossed a lawn to crash a car into someone's house, Judge Brown asks, "How did you manage to drive up there? What were you doing? Trying to run down sassy squirrels who were sittin' up there trying to act crazy and audition for a Geico commercial?"
3:19: The next case and another rude, clueless defendant, to which Judge Brown admonishes: "Don't talk over me, son! I might say something humorous or enlightening and people will miss it."
3:25: "There's no manual on how to be a good parent. Fortunately, there is a recipe." Thank you, Duncan Hines.
3:30: It's time for more Judge Joe Brown!
3:37: Linda says, "I will not take care of my sister who has been very irresponsible herself." Awkward pause. The sister, Lisa, then replies ominously, "Oh. She went there."
4:00: My adventures in Daytime TV conclude as they must, with Oprah. How could this day end any other way? Today's topic: "The Law of Attraction."
4:03: Weird. This show seems to be drawn from a conversation and set of key words that this audience already knows. It's as if this show began a few hours before 4:00. Oprah would surely respond: a lifetime before!
4:05: Hmmm. Oprah sure loves quoting O Magazine.
4:06: Buzzword alert! Go into your "Core of Peace."
4:08: One Oprah guest discusses her work with homeless heroin addicts: "I love 'em to pieces. They're just wonderful."
4:15: Oprah thinks about all of her good fortune and asks, "Why does that happen? 'Cos it happens to me a lot." Her guest responds, "Because you're living at your Core of Peace!"
4:21: Jenny McCarthy discusses her "Vision Board."
4:28: Another Oprah guests opines, "There's another great affirmation that I have hanging on my wall, I have for years: 'The world is conspiring in my favor.' Isn't that great?"
4:30: Oprah asks about getting a Vision Board. A guest explains that she merely needs to snip and affix pictures from a magazine. Oprah beams, "I can use my own magazine!"
4:36: One guest ponders, "We all hope we will win the lottery or dream about a new life, [Of] course many of those things don't happen. So what's the difference between an intention versus a wish or a dream?" Oprah replies: "Good point. Ohhh, good, ohhh, ohhh, ohhh, that's so good."
4:42: Brittany (age nine) explains, "If you think about something for a long period of time, you will eventually get it." Oprah then looks at Vision Boards created by Brittany and her sister Dominique, asking, "What's come true so far?" Dominique answers, "So far, I've been on Oprah's show." "Wow," Oprah replies, "I'm impressed with that. I'm really impressed with that."
4:48: Oprah has an epiphany! It turns out that she's been living her vision board, even though she didn't make it yet!
5:00: I can't believe it's actually over: nine hours of daytime television. I'm surprisingly tired, even though I've done nothing but sit on the couch with one of the cats, flipping the channels. It was fun. It was unique. It was enlightening. I'm glad it's over.
Maybe next time I'll write dispatches from the land of night time "news" shows.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Arrested Development Returning?
The New York Post's Michael Starr reports that an Arrested Development movie is set to release next year. There's no real "news" in the piece, just the pleasure of imagining the stuff the writers and actors will do when freed from the yoke of television censors.
By way of illustration, check out my list: Top ten things I can't believe they said on Arrested Development.
Also, read Starr's story: 'Arrested' Movie in 'Development'.
By way of illustration, check out my list: Top ten things I can't believe they said on Arrested Development.
Also, read Starr's story: 'Arrested' Movie in 'Development'.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Iran Update
CBS News reports a White House internal debate, spurred by Israel's warnings, over the wisdom of striking Iran's nuclear weapons program. Here's a snip:
Israel's message is simple: If you don't, we will. Israel held a dress rehearsal for a strike earlier this month, but military analysts say Israel can not do it alone.Read the entire piece: Israel Prodding U.S. To Attack Iran
"Keep in mind that Israel does not have strategic bombers," Oren said. "The Israeli Air Force is not the American Air Force. Israel can not eliminate Iran's nuclear program."
The U.S. with its stealth bombers and cruise missiles has a much greater capability. Vice President Cheney is said to favor a strike, but both [Joint Chiefs Chairman Admiral Mike] Mullen and Defense Secretary Gates are opposed to an attack which could touch off a third war in the region.
U.S. intelligence estimates Iran won't be able to build a weapon until sometime early in the next decade. But Israel is operating on a much shorter timetable.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Obama and the Price of Victory
Thinking about Barack Obama's choice to forgo public funding, I find myself flashing back to Howard Roark's reminder about the limitations of altruism: "Before you can do things for people, you must be the kind of man who can get things done."
The admonition seems reasonable enough in its own context. But what about this conundrum? Is Obama demonstrating himself to be a hard-nosed, steely-eyed leader who can tackle the realities of a dangerous world? Or is he simply selling out his ideals for cheap political advantage?
I've thought about these questions while listening to the arguments floated by his supporters (a number of whom, like Joe Biden, appear to be suppressing a gag reflex while defending their party's new leader). Their excuses are predictable.
Sure, Obama has flip-flopped on his previous promises to stay within the public funding system. But McCain has enough flip-flops to open a surf shop.
Sure, Obama has enough funding to weather any attacks the GOP can throw at him. But remember the threat of 527-groups who sunk John Kerry's campaign. They're not limited by public financing, and they'll stop at nothing.
Sure, Obama has enough money to melt the moral compass of the Dalai Lama, and more checks pile up every day. But individual contributions are so small as to preclude the risk of corruption.
Reasonable points, I suppose. But the simplest and most basic point is this: Obama said he would stick with public funding, he said he'd work within that constraint, and now he's breaking his word.
That decision comes at two costs.
First, he's opened himself up unnecessarily to accusations of the most naked form: Obama can't be trusted. GOP attackers can merely edit their posters from "Hillary Clinton will do anything to get elected" to "Barack Obama will do anything to get elected." No surprise there.
More importantly, Barack Obama has set back the cause of finance reform by removing his own foundation to improve the work. We can hardly take him seriously when he pledges to change Washington while affirming its worst credo: money talks.
His supporters retort, as did Roark, how can Obama change things until he's in the position to affect them? OK, that makes sense. But Roark knew something else too. He knew that some goods come at too high a price.
I haven't abandoned my hope for Obama. We could do much worse. But I'm more wary than I was.
The admonition seems reasonable enough in its own context. But what about this conundrum? Is Obama demonstrating himself to be a hard-nosed, steely-eyed leader who can tackle the realities of a dangerous world? Or is he simply selling out his ideals for cheap political advantage?
I've thought about these questions while listening to the arguments floated by his supporters (a number of whom, like Joe Biden, appear to be suppressing a gag reflex while defending their party's new leader). Their excuses are predictable.
Sure, Obama has flip-flopped on his previous promises to stay within the public funding system. But McCain has enough flip-flops to open a surf shop.
Sure, Obama has enough funding to weather any attacks the GOP can throw at him. But remember the threat of 527-groups who sunk John Kerry's campaign. They're not limited by public financing, and they'll stop at nothing.
Sure, Obama has enough money to melt the moral compass of the Dalai Lama, and more checks pile up every day. But individual contributions are so small as to preclude the risk of corruption.
Reasonable points, I suppose. But the simplest and most basic point is this: Obama said he would stick with public funding, he said he'd work within that constraint, and now he's breaking his word.
That decision comes at two costs.
First, he's opened himself up unnecessarily to accusations of the most naked form: Obama can't be trusted. GOP attackers can merely edit their posters from "Hillary Clinton will do anything to get elected" to "Barack Obama will do anything to get elected." No surprise there.
More importantly, Barack Obama has set back the cause of finance reform by removing his own foundation to improve the work. We can hardly take him seriously when he pledges to change Washington while affirming its worst credo: money talks.
His supporters retort, as did Roark, how can Obama change things until he's in the position to affect them? OK, that makes sense. But Roark knew something else too. He knew that some goods come at too high a price.
I haven't abandoned my hope for Obama. We could do much worse. But I'm more wary than I was.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Project: Pimento
Yesterday, Jenny and I visited Alameda's Forbidden Island so I could check out Project: Pimento, a five-piece band featuring real-life biochemist "Dr. Robby Virus" on the theremin. That's right, the creepy-sounding electric musical device, the one immortalized in classics like The Day the Earth Stood Still and homages like Ed Wood, also serves a San Francisco-based lounge-exotica band.We arrived early (way too early for Jenny's taste) and snagged the couch nearest the band. The venue was perfect: small, intimate, relaxed. I even had a chance to meet singer "Lola bombay" who delighted that we'd driven so far to see them. She and I chatted about our mutual amazement that Gene Roddenberry actually wrote lyrics to Alexander Courage's Star Trek theme. Thus her smile was all the sweeter when she sang that song in their first set.
Project: Pimento plays jazzy mid-century standards (and some quirky choices) that range from "Moon River" to "Barbarella," each drifting like clouds in the form of "Lola's" ethereal voice. And yet you can't imagine the cool effect of hearing those tunes backed by a device that looks like it came from a mad scientist's lab. Sitting close enough to alter the theremin's electromagnetic field, I was mesmerized by the sight of the doctor's hands weaving invisible strands of volume and pitch, watching him flick his fingers to create trilling vibratos.
The theramin is one of those devices that looks easy to play; it's just a wooden box with metal arms and an amplifier. But its artist must be able to pick out notes from three dimensions of empty space, without the aid of visual cues. The result of a theremin played well is eerie and beautiful, a sound that mixes sci-fi futurism and something more primordial: googie-music.
I've already picked up Project: Pimento's second album, "Space Age Love Sounds," and will likely grab their debut, "Magical Moods of the Theremin" later this summer. While the band sounds best in a dark tiki bar, I think they'll do well by the beach too.
Visit Project: Pimento's website: http://www.projectpimento.com
(Photo by Andrew Wood)
Friday, June 20, 2008
Obama and Campaign Finance
As an Obama supporter, I'm initially depressed to hear the candidate's decision to renounce a pledge to stick with public financing for his general campaign - especially since campaign finance reform is one thing that both (a) he supported and (b) I believe to be essential to renewing American confidence in the political system. While I won't dip into the same vitriol as New York Times columnist David Brooks, I find his response to be sadly compelling:
Fast Eddie Obama threw public financing under the truck. In so doing, he probably dealt a death-blow to the cause of campaign-finance reform. And the only thing that changed between Thursday and when he lauded the system is that Obama’s got more money now...Read the entire piece: The Two Obamas
I have to admit, I’m ambivalent watching all this. On the one hand, Obama did sell out the primary cause of his professional life, all for a tiny political advantage. If he’ll sell that out, what won’t he sell out? On the other hand, global affairs ain’t beanbag. If we’re going to have a president who is going to go toe to toe with the likes of Vladimir Putin, maybe it is better that he should have a ruthlessly opportunist Fast Eddie Obama lurking inside.
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