Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Q[uickly]FML

Surely FML (need it be spelled out?) is an internet cliché, but I still check the site regularly. There's an unabashedly guilty pleasure lying in each miserable narrative of surprise and embarrassment. That said, I cannot avoid the presumption that most entries are written solely for shock value, their truths shaped and mutated by the scripts and props of maybe a dozen typical memes (and the abbreviation of space).

What's worse, I imagine that today's crush of cascading and conflicting reading opportunities makes it difficult even to peruse a page-full of new FMLs, real or otherwise. It all becomes a blur, hard to sort, easier to ignore. Happily, there's help. To save you some time and hassle, I've taken the liberty of summarizing a typical day of FML posts, distilling each to its most elemental narrative, editing the list to fit your busy schedule.

Best of all, if you care to manufacture an FML for yourself, you'll find plenty of building blocks here, everything necessary to craft your own tale of woe.

Let's call this collection: Q[uickly]FML:

• Something scared me; it was not scary to others. I appeared foolish. QFML

• I thought my friends/family love(s) me. Turns out, they don't. QFML

• My family treats me like a child. In fact, I am well over 18. QFML

• I thought my significant other was cool. (S)he's not. QFML

• I really thought she was a he; she's a she. QFML

• I looked foolish in front of a child. QFML

• I accidentally injured myself. QFML

• My bf or gf is cheating. QFML

• Crap! "Reply all." QFML

• I's robbed. QFML

• Fired. QFML

Oh, here's a bonus entry: No week on FML can conclude without a story that ends like this:

• ... while we were having sex. QFML

Did I catch 'em all? What would you add? Let me know by posting your own QFML nugget: a building-block for dozens and dozens of clones that change the places and names but ensure that the suffering remains the same.

2 comments:

Sarah said...

I poured my heart out to a coworker today about how it is sad and lonely to be the only one of my friends not married or partnered in a significant way and then I went to Yahoo to change a password and the first 5 security questions they offered had to do with marriage or families. FML.

And yes, that really happened today. When I saw the first question ("What is your spouses name?"), I rolled my eyes. When the second question was "Where did you meet your spouse?" I sighed. And when the third question was "Where was your honeymoon?" I almost threw up. By the time I got to "What is your eldest child's name," I looked longingly at the scissors on my desk and considered hari kari.

I'm not sure that fits one of your categories, but maybe because it really did happen. =P

Andrew Wood said...

Screw categories, Sarah! What you said has to be said. And it's kind of you to share your experiences.

I'm sorry you had to deal with such closed-mindedness.

Who knows? It might be worth a moment to let the folks at Yahoo! know - they need questions that reflect more realities than those found on TV.

Whether they'll listen, though...

Still, I am sorry. I hope you're feeling better.