Zombie Apocalypse

Longtime readers of this blog know of my annual obsession to improve upon each previous year's Halloween porch theme. So far, our porch has been transformed into a pirate dungeon, a corpse wedding, an alien autopsy, a psycho circus, and a mad scientist's laboratory (with a real live Frankenstein). So what's the plan of 2009? I am delighted to announce that the annual Wood Family Halloween Theme this year is Zombie Apocalypse.

We envision transforming the porch into a domestic scene after we've been infected by a worldwide zombie virus. An old black and white television will show video of newscasters reporting the carnage, a radio will play local news ("Zombies spotted in Scotts Valley. Get your guns!"), and newspapers reporting the horror will also be strewn about. Jenny will be a ballerina-zombie (twirling in a bloody tutu) while I will represent another profession (to be determined). Along with the set and actors, visitors will spot an unlucky neighbor who wanted to see if we'd turned into zombies yet. Ooops.

While our default mode will be limited to shuffling about, moaning, and giving candy to children in return for their "braaaains," we'll also do a show every ten minutes or so. In that section, we'll discover that some juicy intestines remain in the corpse on the floor. A minute of ripping through the bloody shirt and chewing on gory latex guts will richly earn our regular PG-13 rating.

And yes, we tack up multiple signs on the stairs leading to our porch to warn parents that younger kids require parental guidance. We aim for a good show that entertains without traumatizing the wee ones. Indeed, when in doubt, we always tone down the act and come downstairs to offer a more gentle presentation for little children.

So that's our Halloween theme for 2009. If you have any ideas to add some flesh to this skeleton of a plan, please post a comment.